Ladoos

Talk about a ladoo in front of any brown person, and you'll see their face light up. These ladoos are little yellow nuggets of, what else, yellow rice stuck together with a lot of sugar and a mysterious fat-thing. The balls are perfect for almost any brown occasion, including but not limited to casual encounters with friends, the latest Sharukh Khan movie outing, Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Ghum reruns, weddings, funerals and of course, Bengali melas.
You can buy them anywhere, but for the best diarrhea-inducing version, try Bengali street stores in Jackson Heights. Try not to be disgusted by the dirty floors, the buzzing flies or the plates that look like they haven't been washed in forever. Just remember that this is what people mean when they talk about "cultural outing." Presenting a box of these ladoos will get you endeared to that significant other brown person, or at least to their family.

Melas

Melas: Country fair, rock concert, fashion show, talent show and all brown. If you haven't visited your local mela yet, I highly recommend it. In Europe, these can be rare to find in rural areas, but in America they happen usually once a month around major cities, generally in run-down elementary or middle schools. To avoid being the sole white person there, though, I advise bringing friends, pre-gaming and bringing about $50 for entrance fees.
These programs usually start with a light children's performances. Usually, these involve some really nervous kids singing along to Bengali remixes. Then there's some dance to classic Bengali songs meshed with these irritating DJ beats. This is a fairly new phenomena whereby perfectly amazing songs are ruined in an effort to connect to the so-called ignorant youth. Don't expect any hi-fi Bollywood dancing, though, these dancers only hop and sway.
After this, there's usually some sort of intermission where the Bengalis, who've been talking incessantly, the entire time, now have a mass exodus into the cafeteria. If you follow them, you'll find several stalls selling all kinds of brown stuff like ladoos, most forms of rice, saris and even illegal books. This is the perfect place to find a gift for that special brown person in your life, but be warned the level of noise and heat rivals that of any concert easily.
During the intermission, there will be several announcements telling the group to get back in the auditorium which will be prominently ignored. In fact, only after 20 minutes after intermission will the group reluctantly come back into the auditorium. The second part of these programs features long wandering songs during which you have ample time to evaluate your life and wonder how you ended up in such a desolate place after all. Or nap.
Generally, the last performers are the most important. The crowd will get rowdy, or as rowdy as Bengalis can get. There will be a few fat(ish) lowlife, usually high, 28 to 30 year old males who will come to the front of the auditorium and start dancing, sorta. They will then be ordered to the back to the auditorium and continue shouting.
Shortly thereafter, the program has ended. As you head home, tired, confused and in dire need of aspirin, you will face a huge traffic jam as the brown people slowly filter away.
On second thought, maybe going to one of these events isn't in your main interest.

Rice

Rice. This is the food that pops up in your head whenever you think of Southeast Asians. Admit it.
 I have yet to meet a family where rice wasn't an integral part of the brown diet.In a brown family, you don't even have to ask if there's rice for dinner. In fact, you should be reasonably concerned about the alleged brownness of the family if there is no rice for dinner. That said, the rice can be served in a number of different ways. The reliance on rice probabbly comes from the fact that rice is one of the few grains that can grow in Bangladesh's weirdly marsh-type soil.
In lower-income families, the rice is usually served on cracked plates (beware of cockroach droppings) with simple sides of fried fish or oily chicken or likely both. In more high-class places, however, you will find that stronger plates, less oil and maybe some vegetables. If you, at any point, find yourself eating rice with only vegetables, then know you are in a very classy place indeed and must act accordingly.
The Bengalis have a very strict way of eating rice. You may think that it is allright to just spoon the damned little white pieces into your mouth but to a Bengali that's a grave affront. The rice must be shoveled into your mouth at top speed with a fork, never a spoon. Also, if at all possible (i.e. if the Bengalis are not around other Bengalis) the rice is simply shoved into the mouth with a hand.
Also, the source of the rice is a matter of pride to the average day Bengali. You can't just go into your local supermarket and buy some Uncle Ben's. No, you have to travel for forty minutes to a shady Bengali store. In the aforementioned store, you must travel to the corner with the spiderwebs. Next, you have to hover around the sever different brands of rice, contemplating the texture, color, the possibility of vermin inside the rice, the expense and finally, the quality of the brand name. After all this, you simply chose Tilda. Next, you have to haul the load, somehow pay the greasy cashier and then drive home with your precious cargo. For Bengalis in Europe, this method is considerably long. Thus, when these people buy their rice, it's usually four or five bags for 3 months. This is one of the sole workouts a Bengali person does.
Finally, you may think that the rice is prepared using very traditional, long Bengali methods. Don't be fooled. The rice is simply washed once with water and then put into a rice-cooker. Then it is taken out and enjoyed with the aforementioned side-dishes.
 There are several ways to use this to your advantage. First, only buy Tilda brand rice. Next, purchase a rice-cooker and figure out how to properly misuse it. Then cook your rice. Finally, pop down to your local supermarket and grab some Indian microwaveable crap. Prep those and serve to the brown people you need stuff from. These people will be reminded of their childhood as they eat the rice and you in return will get whatever you asked for.